I'm tired.
I'm mad with you.
I'm upset.
I'm very angry.
I'm pissed off.
I'm sad.

Fuck but really, it takes two hands to clap. What exactly were you doing this few months? What exactly was that relationship? No Im not expecting much but shit you don't have to do that.

Now Im longing to see you sitting at the escalator, waiting for me.
Now Im longing to see your text messages.
Now Im longing to see you at night to take your stuff from me.
Now Im longing to hear you calling me Bodoh and telling to shut up whenever I start singing.
Now Im longing to know that I'm gonna see you after work, before work and so on.
Now Im longing to receive calls from you and hear you say, ' eh I downstairs alr eh! '

What was I thinking when I called you FIRST upon getting my results.
WHO ARE YOU TO ME?

And I hate myself for ignoring you THAT FEW MINS when you appeared at my work place but I continued doing my work when my colleagues actually shook my body, tapped my shoulders and all to tell me you're outside. I think that ignorance is the caused of all these. For that, thanks to me.

But I'm not blaming myself fully.

Knowing there's no other way to contact you other than MSN, if you could check your phone (though it's spoilt), you would see millions of miss calls from me.

Honestly, I miss the way how you treated me, even as a friend.

I think I think too much about the fact that I scored good for Ns and family doesn't seem to show any kind gestures to me like other friends received. I myself know that Im upset about that till I had a nightmare depicting my own sister shouting, screaming, scolding, cursing me for being less educated than her. My mom was there and she was shocked. I tried to fight back, like I always do. But I choked up as I was tooooo friggin hurt till no voice came out and all I did was crying. In that dream, I was crying silently, no voice. Took a deep breath and wanted to cry out loud ( still in the dream! ), I actually wailed in reality. Which means, I woke up and was wailing and crying like I was beaten up. I realised I was crying, but I didn't stop. The dream was so real and I can imagine it happening.

SERIOUSLY, NOT HANDLING LIFE WELL.
I need a break.


AND YOU ! SHE DESERVES ALL OF IT. stop making me feel guilty.

..dont talk to me. goodnight.